Have you ever spun around and around until you were so dizzy you fell down and when you did the world just kept on spinning? My brother does, and he sees things. He hears things too. I've spun and spun and haven't seen anything. I just get dizzy.

Mom says he's just makin' it up. I don't think so. I've seen his eyes when it happens. It scares him to death. He did it last Sunday morning in the church yard. It was the worst yet. I had to hold his mouth to keep him from screaming. Well, I had to, he would've had all the church-people askin' all kinds of questions.

He says it's a bad monster. He says the monster will eat his heart. But he keeps spinnin'. Sometimes I think he's just makin' it all up. He's three, I'm seven. Sometimes, though, I think it's true, those are the times I look in his eyes after he's been spinnin'.

Sometimes he looks at me, eyes wide in terror, and says, "Help! Save Me! It's the penis monster, It's tryin' to get my penis. Help me! Help me!" Then he stops and says, "You can help me, because the monster's already got yours." And he rolls on the floor laughing. What a stupid three-year-old.

We live in the city. Well, not a big city, Beaumont, Texas. But my cousins live in the county, on a farm. We're gonna' go visit them soon. I wish my brother wasn't goin' though. Him and his monsters, that's all they want to do--talk about monsters. Sometimes I wish the monsters were real and they really would come and eat his heart. Mom says I shouldn't say that, she's probably right. Sometimes he makes me so mad, I just can't stand it.

We went to see our cousins last summer. I got to ride a horse, all by myself. They ride all the time. Jill's only five and she's got her own pony. I wish I had a pony. Be kinda hard in the apartment though. My stupid brother went and got lost down the road from their farm house. We had to look for him for two hours. He said the monster made him go to a special place. It was a fun summer though, with our cousins.

My stupid brother was a lot more fun when he was two. Before he could really talk. He'd spin around and get that look in his eyes and dad, that was before mom made dad leave, would throw him up in the air. And he'd laugh. That was fun, when he was two.

Then he hit me with the hammer. He told mom the monster made him do it. He broke my head, so some of my brain leaked out. I don't remember that part so well. It hurt pretty bad, but not for long. Mom says it's okay. That I'll be okay. They'll take care of me in this place. Mom says they've been doin' it for twenty years now.